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Home > The trouble with STUFF!!!

The trouble with STUFF!!!

June 1st, 2006 at 02:02 pm

Well it is now official...my neighbor and friend who is still going thru her divorce (almost for three yrs) and who lost her house got the dreaded letter she has to be out of her house by July 5th. She knew this was coming for a very long time.

Yesterday she told me she was hoping to contact a lawyer and see if it can be extended. Maybe the bank worded it in a way that she may have more time. I was pretty dumb-founded to hear that from her mouth! I finally had to make a choice...to tell her well...maybe the tooth fairy, santa claus or prince charming would rescue her and make it ALL BETTER and I could help her live in denial for a little while longer....or be the better loving friend and tell her the HARD TRUTH!!!!!

I choose to tell her the truth of the matter. I probably preached to her about 10 mins or so. She basically then had a panic attack. She has known for months and many many months she needed to get rid of trash....hold a few sales...donate things and pack up. She did have a sale last yr...but she did not make too much money or get rid of all that much. She refused to sell things for garage sale prices because she felt insulted. She had that sale in June of 2005 and it is still set up in her garage in June 2006. She has basically done nothing. Yet my friend...who I do care about--- acts like all is well. Now the pressure is on. She told me how she can't part with her childrens' teddy bears....dolls.....(her girls are in their mid twenties) her stacks and piles and all that furniture! It is a sorry mess. She does not want to let go of her things. I understand there are many raw emotions flying around....I understand completly......since I have been thru the same thing as far as getting divorced.

I now really see how STUFF can take over our lives, our credit cards, our garages, our many rented storage units....it creates chaos and panic attacks.....it takes over peoples' lives!!! It keeps people beaten down and unable to move forward with life. Stuff drags divorces thru years of litigation and lawyer fees, it ends up destroying relationships over family fights over objects and items when someone dies....

WE can put our hope and faith into our things and stuff. Stuff will not bring us lasting happiness. It does not give us the feeling of contetnment and peace. It is very sad about my friend and her losses....she has had many. Stuff can not fill up empty hearts or make people love us more. It can not make a marriage better.

Too much stuff has ruined too many lives.

I plan on helping my friend the best way I can...be it encouraging her, packing up things, or taking over a big box of trash bags....

Stuff can take over our senses and dull us---we need to always be on our guard as far as what stuff we get attatched to and entangled with. This is a valuable lesson we must teach our children and a lesson we must keep on re-learning ourselves. Being frugal and careful with our money helps us to make wise stuff choices. Less can be more in many ways.



6 Responses to “The trouble with STUFF!!!”

  1. contrary1 Says:
    1149170202

    This whole issue can happen too, after a spouse of many years dies. I see much the same behavior in my mom these days. Things that could/should be disposed of, are all still sitting there.... She doesn't have to move, but boy, do I see all this work sitting there with my name on it when my mom dies. (she just jokes about it with me, saying I'll sure be busy!!!)

    I can understand her holding on to Dads personal stuff, but all the rest of the collections ?????

    Good for you, talking with your friend and offering a dose of REAL to her.

  2. Broken Arrow Says:
    1149175200

    Amazing. My ex was the opposite. She was only too happy to move out with the guy she cheated on me with. I was the one left holding the bag so to speak, but I am not attached to things like the way this lady is. In fact, I'm still in the process of selling all my stuff, even the ones I like.

    But anyways, best of luck to her because I think she'll need it!

  3. frontporchmom Says:
    1149179669

    Yes she needs some luck---I think if she at least BEGINS...then she will see some progress and make another step---
    How do you eat an elephant????? One bite at a time.....
    Hopefully I will have patience and try not to get too mad at her......but extend my friendship as best as I can and continue to talk REAL to her.....Hopefully I will get some time here and there to help her dig out a bit.
    Have a good day follks!!

  4. fern Says:
    1149192596

    Sometimes it is depression that prevents people from doing what needs to be done and keeps them lethargic.

    And some people have a tendency to hold onto things and never let go. i, for one, have never liked clutter much.

    I have a friend just like the one you described. She has lived for years among piles and piles of clutter. The garage is unusable because it's packed with stuff, old magazines from years ago in the house, etc. She always claimed she never had time to deal with it, but now that she's semi-retired, i doubt she'll find the time anyway.

  5. Bibliobird Says:
    1149212226

    Very good blog entry. I see TV shows and read about people who hoard. That's not me, thank goodness. I'm taking things to Goodwill every week and I feel lighter and more free with every drop. Getting rid of stuff will lift off depression. It helps to take it in steps. Tell your friend that once the old stuff is gone, she will enjoy it more when she gets something new again.

  6. eisor Says:
    1149278552

    I'm happy to say my mom taught me well in this category. At times, I think back to my childhood and would LOVE to have some of my old stuff. But, I'm also proud of the fact that EVERYTHING (aside from my suitcases, christmas tree & 2 barstools...they are all in the garage) I own is in my room. This includes all of my keepsakes and knick-knacks. My room is bigger than most, but I feel that is a pretty good accomplishments. My mom taught me that if I don't have room for it, I don't need it. She's correct.

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